Chuck Norris, Scientist?
by
Many of us may recognize Chuck Norris as a late-night exercise equipment peddler. In fact, he was the undefeated Professional Middleweight Karate champion title for six consecutive years, before retiring with a karate record of 183-10-2. He was the only man in the western hemisphere ever to be awarded an 8th degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do. That’s serious.
His legendary feats of strength have been well-documented over the years, leading to an extensive list of Chuck Norris facts. While he was recently seen protecting lab benches worldwide, that was just scratching the surface of Chuck’s science prowess. Here are some little-known facts highlighting his super-human science skills.
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Chuck Norris’ water is 75M.
All of Chuck Norris’ bonds are covalent.
Chuck Norris’ mitochondria use a roundhouse pump.
All of Eric Kandel’s findings are the exact opposite in Chuck Norris’ brain.
Malaria isn’t a problem in the US because Chuck Norris lives there.
Chuck Norris can make a pot of water boil and freeze at the same time.
Chuck Norris took the uncertainty out of Heisenberg’s principle.
Chuck Norris’ high-throughput screening hit rate is 100%.
Vancomycin is not the antibiotic of last resort. Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris performs all experiments at absolute zero.
Chuck Norris misunderstood the meaning of “Defending his PhD”. 72 people died.
Chuck Norris doesn’t take questions because he already answered them.
Chuck Norris exhales dry ice.
Chuck Norris can turn any element into gold by staring it down.
Chuck Norris doesn’t feed his cultures, they run on fear.
Chuck Norris handles Ebola without gloves on. It knows better than to try anything.
Chuck Norris has an impact factor of infinity.
Chuck Norris induces protein expression with a glare.
Chuck Norris makes proteins tell him who their binding partner is.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a labcoat because his skin is fire and chemical resistant.
Chuck Norris doesn’t give group meeting because you won’t remember anything after the roundhouse anyway.
When Chuck Norris scoops you, you wake up with a concussion.
Chuck Norris mouth pipettes ether. While smoking a cigar.
Chuck Norris filters all buffers through his tongue.
Chuck Norris told Darwin what to write.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use buffers, he just tells the pH to stay.
Chuck Norris made HEK cells immortal.
If Chuck Norris asks you a question in a seminar, the answer is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can read papers without looking at them.
Chuck Norris doesn’t understand nociceptor research because he can’t comprehend what pain is.
Chuck Norris intimidates his buffers into never running out.
A bottle of I-125 got exposed to Chuck Norris and developed a tumor six days later.
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Any other science-related Chuck Norris facts to add?
Harry
wrote on September 1, 2010 at 1:38 pm
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
http://www.chucknorrisjokes.net/topjokes.php?id=5…
Harry
wrote on September 1, 2010 at 1:44 pm
Chuck Norris created XL PCR by uppercutting regular PCR in the blunt end.
Harry
wrote on September 1, 2010 at 1:45 pm
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Austin
wrote on September 1, 2010 at 1:46 pm
Chuck Norris can divide by zero
Harry
wrote on September 1, 2010 at 1:54 pm
Chuck Norris doesn't arrange electrons by the Aufbau rule, he roundhouse kicks them into order.
Rich
wrote on September 1, 2010 at 4:17 pm
Chuck Norris defies science. Really. Look it up. He denies global climate change and evolution.
JustJoeP
wrote on September 1, 2010 at 8:22 pm
Dr. Sheldon Cooper's IQ reduces by it's square root when in the presence of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris solved unified string theory, and then filed it away in his beard.
NIH actually stands for "Norris Institute of Health"
JustJoeP
wrote on September 1, 2010 at 9:29 pm
Chuck Norris can run a blazing hot Southern Blot in less time than it takes to say "endonucleases".
Chuck Norris' exosomes can be see with the human eye, because nothing about Chuck Norris is tiny.
Chuck Norris uses static from his beard as the power source for every acrylamide gel he runs.
When Chuck Norris took his boards, he passed them the first time, carrying a dozen sheets of plywood which he thought the 'boards' required, and shattering them with a single round house kick in front of his review committee.
Every cell in Chuck Norris' body has the longest telomeres ever measured, and none have ever reached its Hayflick limit.
Steffi
wrote on September 2, 2010 at 6:42 am
Chuck Norris is a natural killer cell bunch.
robbabub
wrote on September 2, 2010 at 7:45 am
I am disappointed. I thought that I was going to learn something new.
Patrick Hillas
wrote on September 2, 2010 at 11:16 am
Chuck Norris doesn't pick colonies. They volunteer to inoculate.
mathhands
wrote on September 2, 2010 at 11:23 am
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Anthony
wrote on September 2, 2010 at 11:32 am
Einstein said nothing can travel faster than the speed of light, but Chuch Norris did it just to prove him wrong. Einstein got a roundhouse kick that knocked him to 2012.
JustJoeP
wrote on September 2, 2010 at 7:10 pm
Henrietta Lacks' immortal tumor cells, were actually a epidermal remnants from Chuck Norris' foot, after he round house kicked her.
Ken
wrote on September 10, 2010 at 11:23 am
My favorite: Chuck Norris took the uncertainty out of Heisenberg’s principle.
LabLibs: Let Chuck Norris Protect Your Bench | BenchFly Blog
wrote on October 21, 2010 at 10:30 pm
[…] Chuck Norris, Scientist […]
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wrote on November 15, 2010 at 12:21 pm
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chuck man
wrote on January 19, 2011 at 11:29 pm
chuck norris
he is mighty and strong
some say that he is like king kong
he can run faster then any other person
he can build and tech 9 just as a diversion
he was once only a normal man
his name was carlos ray norris
in one kick he can knock down a forrest
as he ages he just gets stronger
soon enough we will be here no longer
he has the ablity to walk on water
chuck man
wrote on January 19, 2011 at 11:30 pm
he is a karate master
he u make him made then run
your in for a desaster
if u dare to descrace
he will just round house you in the face
thats right it is now time
for the man better and cooler then optomus prime
to rain all supreme if you cant see him the screem
because you will be in need to look out
he is on his way
to deface your body with
a super norris kick
what did u think this guy was a part of a chick flick
he can destroy any living thing with one punch
he eats raw meat for lunch
now you know way more
about your true lord
the man who grew up in a forrest
chuck norris
Funny Chuck Norris
wrote on February 3, 2011 at 4:56 pm
Nice intro post. Must write some of this on my Chuck Norris Blog.
stojanst
wrote on May 7, 2011 at 10:00 am
Chuck Norris went headhunting for Huntington after he decided to relief the world from Huntington disease.
Ben
wrote on June 21, 2011 at 1:43 am
Chuck Norris doesn't need ligase because his DNA never breaks.
Ben
wrote on June 21, 2011 at 1:45 am
Chuck Norris taught his cells to photosynthesize, but then he chased the chloroplasts out, because he loves to eat.
Ben
wrote on June 21, 2011 at 1:53 am
Chuck Norris doesn't need a cyclotron, he just punches particles together.
Chuck Norris performs cold fusion by squeezing deuterium between his cheeks.
Chuck Norris redefined ecology; he is *the* apex predator.
Chuck Norris can accelerate evolution just by staring at a population.
Dean Burnett
wrote on September 2, 2011 at 10:39 am
Chuck Norris's cat was dead before it went into the box.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a half life as he cannot decay
Chuck Norris donated his appendix so that someone else could use it as a lung
The Higgs Boson is hiding from Chuck Norris
The Large Hadron collider measures its output in 'microChucks'
Chuck Norris knows the exact location and velocity of every particle in the universe.
Chuck Norris can literally think with his dick.
Chuck Norris is the proof of a theory of everything.
Raspudin
wrote on January 12, 2012 at 1:20 pm
ATP, the universal energy currency of the cell is printed by Chuck Norris' leg press.
There is no entropy loss in Chuck Norris metabolism.
Chuck Norris was awarded all the nobel prizes including a seperate prize for Mathematics thrice.
(Highlight: He counted to infinity twice)
Tim
wrote on January 17, 2012 at 8:17 pm
Chuck doesn't need food. His body can perform photosynthesis.
Lennart
wrote on June 4, 2013 at 7:23 am
In Chuck Norris's PowerPoint presentations, the appendix actually contains a real human appendix.