The Road More Hesitantly Traveled

My perception of what the road to graduate school was supposed to be like was molded by three things: 1) my father’s experience earning his PhD, 2) the incessant cheerleading of high school teachers and counselors to pursue continued education, and 3) the professors who framed my liberal arts university experience.

An easy-going man who never faulted in his schooling or professional practice – through the gleaming eyes of his daughter — my father made college and graduate school seem like the natural steps toward my future, into which I would flow seamlessly.

My first confrontation with this ideology came in high school, when my counselor told me not to apply to a particular university because my grades would preclude me from acceptance (I finished high school with a 3.8).  Heartbroken but defiant, I applied anyway, was waitlisted, interpreted this as a rejection and ended up going to a different university.  This is one of very few instances in my life where misconception has worked in my favor.

The liberal arts environment fed my passion for science from every angle, as I was able to integrate psychology, philosophy, chemistry and biology into my major.  I worked hard, pursued unique basic science and clinical opportunities and discovered that I was actually made for what I loved.

Once I discovered that a PhD in Neuroscience was my calling, I expected that a fit into the program of my choice would come as the natural next step after college.  Professors, peers and advisors became cheerleaders for moving straight on to graduate school.  This was an indication of being fit for the field, they said.

And I, with my preconceived notions of transient transition from undergraduate to PhD candidate, began to believe that this was how I would know that I could be great in the field.

To my great fortune, I had begun a project in a research lab the previous summer, and had been offered a research assistant position to continue the work.  This was an outstanding opportunity, which I took as an indication that graduate school could wait.  I felt that I was just getting started, and had much more that I wanted to learn before beginning my own PhD work; research assistantships were portrayed as the gateway positions to graduate school.

Two years later, I have helped acquire a funded grant, published two first author manuscripts with others in press or in the works, taught students ranging from high school interns to physician research fellows, experienced myriad tests of my creativity and trouble-shooting skills, and have just submitted my second round of applications to graduate school.  Although fortuitous for my productivity, and though I planned to defer my admission for a year even if I was accepted, my first applications were denied and my concept of the seamless transition further convoluted.

Over the last two years, I have watched my peers enter veterinary school, law school and MD-PhD programs; though some continue to flourish, I have seen some of them wonder how and why they got there and drop out.  This had me utterly baffled for some time.  Why had these brilliant minds and souls who had succeeded in transitioning directly into graduate programs found themselves not fitting quite right?  I began to feel as though my choice to take the road more hesitantly traveled was truly the right one for me.  I am more passionate about, and confident in my pursuits now than I have ever been.

In my interaction with collaborators and graduate students of other Neuroscience PhD programs, I have met students who entered graduate school directly out of college and been happy and successful, and many who decided to finish with a Masters degree instead or change career directions altogether.  What they have all told me is that if you love research, you will find the struggle not only bearable but deeply rewarding.

Despite the framework laid by my preconceptions, teachers and professors, my road to graduate school has been the one best suited to me.  It has been frustrated and tested by rejection and uncertainty, and inspired by passion and commitment.  And now, I am ready.

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Natalie Goldberg is a Neuroscience and Chemistry addict in pursuit of a PhD.  Since 2008, she has worked as a research assistant at the Portland VA Medical Center rescuing the world from the throes of neurodegenerative movement disorders.  Her musings and experiences in science can be found in her blog.

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9 comments so far. Join The Discussion

  1. Russ

    wrote on December 1, 2010 at 10:16 am

    The most successful students I've seen over the years have take time off before attending graduate school. Collectively they seem to have greater focus and perspective which is reflected in their selection and completion of research projects.

  2. alan@benchfly

    wrote on December 1, 2010 at 10:28 am

    Agreed- I took almost two years off to work as a tech and think it was the right decision for me. There can be a feeling of "falling behind" by not going straight in, but by spending the time doing research and attending seminars, I had a much better idea of what I wanted out of grad school and what seemed like a reasonable project. I'm confident that the "extra" time I spent as a tech was made up for by shortening my time in graduate school.

  3. Natalie Sashkin Goldberg

    wrote on December 2, 2010 at 11:47 am

    for these reasons, i hope to hit the ground running… soon.

  4. scifx

    wrote on December 1, 2010 at 11:41 am

    don't forget the paycheck's usually better outside of grad school so you can build up a bit of a cushion as well.

  5. Dina

    wrote on December 1, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    I went straight from undergraduate to graduate school without considering taking time off. My primary concern was that if I settled into a job, even a short-term position, I'd have trouble finding the motivation to return. In hindsight, I never really considered that the motivation may actually get stronger.

  6. 29 and a PhD

    wrote on December 1, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    I did undergrad research-grad school and now a postdoc and truly, I wish I would have taken time off to cool my brain, travel a little a really figure out what was it that I should have done with my life. I wish I could have had a great counsellor in high school, but I didn't, or in college … I didn't either. I loved, LOVED what I did for my PhD … I do not want a TT position and would not mind working for my former boss for like ever …. so no I tell people who are trying to think about grad school that you can love and actively participate in science through many roles, anything from being an RA, to doing a master's, to volunteering … whatever it is. But if they do decide to enter and stay in grad school, they'd better be sure of what they want and expect to get out … and are sure that they want to attach those 3 letters to their last names for the rest of their lives. Right now I'm too educated for some things and very uneducated or under for others … I make a point of telling the whole story, not to discourage but to inform. Great post. Very informative.

  7. Natalie Sashkin Goldberg

    wrote on December 2, 2010 at 11:54 am

    thank you for your comment! if i didn't want a PhD so badly, i could work for my boss forever as well. it's hard to think about leaving the amazing family that i have in this lab.

    your message is an important one. the PhD is not the only route to a fulfilling career in science. Benchfly and Stephanie Huang's blog (projectsteph), among others, do an excellent job of promoting that idea as well.

  8. Joe M

    wrote on January 26, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    Just my $0.02, but my graduate school experience (the first time out) was so horrible that I used to say my one regret was going in the first place. In retrospect, I should have taken some time to examine my own motivations. Did I want a PhD for the love of the basic science or the project, or did I want a career with the autonomy and interest in questions that a science PhD can enable? I never did finish (left with my master's before I attempted a last-ditch effort at the comps), and, after a few years in industry, went for a more applied master's degree that I breezed through (and found MUCH more interesting than the first).

    My point is – I'm one of those burnouts. If I'd have taken the time to investigate my own motives and explored non-academic alternatives rather than go to grad school directly after college, my path would likely have been different, but more academically fulfilling. Professionally, though, I'm pretty happy where I wound up, so that may also have been the same. My story may have been different, and I may have spent less time simply being bitter about my experiences…

  9. trekk

    wrote on January 27, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    I went straight from college to grad school and- 5 years in- am now struggling with the same questions of motives and goals. Might have ended up in the same place- but would feel better had I taking time after college to really consider what I wanted.

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